HAHA Who Said Matty B wasn't Funny?-REMEMBER MATTY B WROTE THIS NOT ME...I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO FUCK AROUND AND THINK I GOT ANTS HA!

Before we get started, lemmi tell you. Man, Woman, or Beast, should not fuck with Matty Bueller. Only because I'm fluent in the art of war and if you fuck wit me I will watch you suffer. Yadigg?
That being said, this morning I woke up out of a wonderful slumber. Lemmi tell you, when I wake up I'm groggy as shit. I usually dont really open my eyes until I take my first piss. So after laying in bed for about 25 minutes, post awakening, I got out of bed, and went to take my piss.

About halfway through my piss I open my eyes. NOw its about time to get my friday started, Right?
I went back to my room and before I get to my bed I see that about 1/8th of my green sheets are black. As I get closer I see that not only is 1/8 of my green sheet black, but 1/8 of my green sheets are crawling.

Mother fucking ants.

My mom told me last week not to eat food in my room because she had seen ants.
Did I listen? Nope.
I been in my room snaaaccckkkkinnnn. I've been sitting in my bed eating everything from chicken to pussy. And the ants smelled it.

I launched my first attack on the damned fleet at around 11:45. Knocking the beasts to the floor from my bed. I cringed wondering how long I had been sleeping with the uninvited guests.

My next attack came around 1150 hours. I went to the bookshelf and smashed a good number of the ants that had just fell of my bed.

But ants are not stupid. The first few did get squished but, ants have six legs. Each leg has three joints. The legs of the ant are very strong so they can run very quickly. If a man could run as fast for his size as an ant can, he could run as fast as a racehorse. Ants can lift 20 times their own body weight. An ant brain has about 250 000 brain cells. A human brain has 10,000 million so a colony of 40,000 ants has collectively the same size brain as a human.
(art of war: Know your advisary)
Needless to say these niggas are perfectly engineered. AND THEIR SMART. Squashing the ants only worked for about 2 minutes. After that they saw me coming with their compound eyes and would scatter before the book could squish them. Fuckers.

I spoke to my friend Ace, who told me he had once had similar problems. His solution was burning the bastards with a lighter. Easy enough. I got my lighter and started torching the niggas. I burned 12 in a row (very fun).

I knew I was winning. "Flik Flik BURN". I was happy with this method until I started studying the non wounded ant's movements. These motherfuckers would touch the dead to check if they were alive, and move on to the wounded to try and aid them. WTF! They had nurses on the battlefield! ORGANIZED AS FUCK!

This made me mad.
"So if you faggots wanna get organized then how about this"
I started wounding, not killing, more and more ants.
If they are soooo organized then the motherfuckers should be communicating with each other, right?
So my solution was to leave survivors, this way they could tell the story of their holocaust experience to the nurses that tried to aid them.
"son, be out!" "this nigga is sick and crazy, pack your shit, get the queen, and leave!"

So at this point I had maddd ants on my floor half burned wiggling around. I was feeling good about my position on the battlefield. "NOW WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS!"

And then I met rambo.

Rambo was aiding one of his fallen soldiers when I came across him. I went to get him with the lighter. I came up from behind, but he felt my evil intentions with his ant intellect.
He turned to his companion, said,
"fuck you nigga, I'm out" and ran for the hills.
I followed behind him with the lighter trying to burn him, but his triple jointed legs were too fast for me. He ran under a sheet of paper.
I HAD HIM!
I started squashing the paper. Hitting every inch. I was sure he was dead.
I lifted the paper up and Rambo made a break for the wall (their fortress)
"OH NO YOU DONT!"
I followed behind him trying to burn him. He passed by the friend he had abandoned before.
"RUN! NIGGA! DONT END UP LIKE ME!" his half burned friend yelled.
When Rambo heard his friends call he had all the motivation he needed. Rambo realized the wall was too far away so he tried to go back towards my bed.

Pause.
I love sleep. Dont fuck with my bed.
Resume

A can of axe was sitting about a foot away from my current position.
Needless to say before Rambo got to my bed I sent him to hell on earth. And almost torched my bed in the process.
A worthy advisary.

But he was just one, i was fighting an army.
Time for chemical warfare.

They wanted food apparently. Ants love sugar and water. So i decided to give them what they wanted.
I put drops of sugar and water all around my bed. with a secret ingredient. BORIC ACID (dont ask where i got it from).

I'm typing this note watching the little faggots drink up. Victory for Bueller.

-Told you not to fuck with me
M.Bueller